Self love challange day 4!

Self love challange day 4!

Day four:

What is a compliment that you struggle to accept about yourself?

That I am truly pretty with a beautiful soul. My identity was  broken down when I was a teenager and it has since then been an extreme struggle for me to accept that I am pretty or beautiful like my husband tells me all the time. I get all doled up and feel like I could use a lot more make up to make me pretty. When in reality I am a beautiful 26-year-old mom and wife who has a rocking body when not pregnant but then again I don’t even weight 150 and I’m 6 months along.

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My Father. 

My Father. 

Dear father,

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wonder about you. I wonder if you still look like you did in your military photo, im guessing not. Time has this thing with our body’s and they change us in every way. I always want to ask you why you left and have a better understanding now that it wasn’t me. It was her. Do you still love me? Or has that long ago surpassed your obligation to me? I see grandma, grandpa, and my uncle often, but there is still this need of you in my life. 

I have two men in my life that I call dad now. The first started to see me in his life when his daughter became my best friend. I’ve been calling him Dad since I was 9 but meet him at 6, that was almost 20 years ago now. The man I call Daddy lives in Texas and has adopted me as his daughter. Our children call both of them grandpa, along with your brother. Although I don’t think he is ready for that tittle he handles it like a champ, because he stepped up when things went south for me; honestly all 3 of them did. 

How can it take three grown men to take the place of one man in a girl’s life? That’s a challenging question isn’t it. I remember how when I had a nightmare you would set me in the bathroom and make me drink a cup of water to calm down. Tell me that I was a big girl and shouldn’t be afraid of anything. Flash forward to now where I’m broken, and scared of being left alone now.  I have three men that love me as their daughter; but having the void of not know takes up much of my heart still.

The worst part of all of that, is that your forgiven. If you were to show up at my door today, I would let you in. I don’t know why, but maybe it’s still the little girl in me trying to not be afraid of what happened or the adult in me trying to forgive the past. Either way I need to thank you for choosing the path you chose. I am a wife, mom, sister and friend with a unique perspective of life.  

At the end of each day I must thank you for without the past I wouldn’t be the women I am today. For every hurdle I have had to jump over it has defined me as who I am as an adult. 

I’m not perfect and neither is my family but we attempt each day to make it whole and the best. 

So even though I am in pain, I say thank you. 

Love,

Rosa

Self Loving Challange!

Self Loving Challange!

 Day two:

Get rid of a limiting belief about yourself.

Well, I believe that I limit myself in the aspect that I don’t think I’m a good wife and mom. I have friends and my husband tell me all the time that I am doing a great job and I go “yes but…” all the time. I constantly hold myself to this standard of perfection that no person will ever be able to reach but expect myself to reach it.

So I am going to give up this limit on me. I am a good wife, my husband can count on me for nearly everything except heavy lifting but I attempt to get as many people over for that as I can. I am a good mom, for the simple fact that my daughter knows sign language, and Spanish. I teach her new signs weekly along with her Spanish words.

They are both well feed, happy, and healthy. I am a good mom, and wife.

Love,

Rosa

We picked the name!

We picked the name!

Hey!

Now isn’t this the cutest picture ever? All of us feeling little baby move! Well as you could guess it (Like the hint in the photo) we picked our sons name! For safety purposes I will only being doing his first and last name, but if you know me personally you know his full name!

Jaxten W. Fors

Isn’t that the best name?! I’m really excited to have my second baby share another initial with me! 

No my first name isn’t Rosa, that’s what my Gama called me, and this blog is in her dedication. My initials are JRF, so our daughter has the same middle letter as me ARF and now our son will be JWF. 

I know I’m weird but I love that I share even more with these kids! 

Feeling the baby move around while we talk to him!

I love how our daughter enjoys this time we do with Jaxten, she talks with him, kisses my belly, best big sister ever. Also he doesn’t like when she tries to sit on my belly haha!

Thanks guys for the love,

Rosa

31 Days of Self love

31 Days of Self love

Hey loves,

So as some of you might guess with my anxiety and PTS I am extremely self hating to myself. I know I’m a good and kind person like my grandma wanted but I’m selfish also and dont like giving things up. 

So in my many ways of trying to become a better person and love myself, I’ve decided to do this challange for 31 days. So let’s get it started!

Pintrest is amazing for challanges! Just go an look them up!

Day 1:

Question- What is your biggest struggle with loving yourself?

Man, there is a list. Well I guess it would be a tie between forgiveness and not giving myself grace to learn. If i do something wrong, like forget my keys in the front seat of my car (like I did last night thank the Lord we are in a nice neighborhood or good old Mercy would have been gone), it ruins my night. I have a hard time sleeping because I beat myself up and cant just honestly blame my pregnancy brain which was clearly the case in this instent. 

With the grace part I expect myself to be perfect everyday. To have a clean kitchen or bathroom for unexpected guess. I expect my 2 year old to act 5. But i cant do those things. I live in my house daily. Things get messy, toys go everywhere, I have cat and dog hair to deal with. Uhg, the list could go on.

See I have to learn to give myself some grace and forgive my misgivings. I believe that its where I personally need alot of guidance from. No body is perfect, and how can I hold myself to such high standards when I’m so broken? I can’t. It’s not possiable for my brain to work that way. 

Today, I miss you. 

Today, I miss you. 

Hey love,

I’m missing my mom today, honestly. Even through all the crap we have been though I have days where I miss her. Today being one of them. How can something so simple be ruined so fast and complete? That’s my biggest problem with it most days. Why can’t she just decide to go get help and become my mommy again? Nothing is simple anymore, as sad and as hard is that to say. 

See I remember going shopping for hours with her, throwing whatever into the cart, than deciding later on if we really wanted or needed it. I feel like that is our relationship now. We spent years throwing everything on it, and never really sorting though what was really needed or wanted. 

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Like having too much contact, today was a day where I couldn’t have my husband touch me. Why? Well I was forced or felt like I was forced to be held, hugged, kissed, and loved on; *shivers* it still gives me the hibby gibbys. So I have days where he can touch me but I pull away, sad and hurt from her. 

Please don’t get me wrong, my mom was the best mom I believe she could be. Just everyone breaks at some point in life and my mom broke and I grew distant from her and closer to my grandma. Who I also missed today, but when don’t I miss the biggest influence in my life?

Today tho, I miss my mommy, in this pink sweater she used to have that she thought made her look skinnier which was never a problem to me. She was mommy always full of squeezes and love. I had a fight with my best friend and needed to vent, so I did to mommy. She listened, and held me while I cried. I miss that. The stress free relationship we had. That was when it was good. 

Now flash forward 10 years, to us not speaking, and her wanting absolutely nothing to do with me. See I am no longer under her control and don’t give into her attention that she craves now. So when that happens a person who is mentally ill; stops talking to you and starts to tear you down to other people you know or who you are friends with to try to make them look better than you. 

That’s fine, I let her choose to do this. Why you ask? Well because it’s not my job to try to control a grown women back to what she thinks she needs to do. She wants to do this to our relationship, and as much as I want to not have that part of my life. I need to let it be. (Anybody else know that Ann Murrey song let it be? No? Ok well I do, burned into my head from child hood)

I miss all good moments we used to have, although now they are hard for me to picture. I still have some. The ones that are my mom to the core. So today, I miss her and how she always makes the perfect cup of tea. 

Love, 

Rosa

Daddy going Solo

Daddy going Solo

Hello loves,

How was your past week? We struggled, a lot. I was put in the hospital 2 times for kidney stones and a sugary while pregnant during the week. Which God gave us enough grace to let it happen on a Monday, Tuesday which is my husband’s weekend. I was out by Wednesday and back in on Saturday. During the week, Hubby was stressed, he felt split between wanting to be with me at the hospital and taking care of our 2 yr old, A. Rae.  With alot of praying and a ton of support by Saturday we had so much help it was amazing. My MOPS group gave us some meals so I wouldn’t have to cook at all, a Big Thank you to those mammas! And we had family come on Saturday also and clean my house. I am so stress free right now its been amazing to go to Church and rest. While during my resting I had the chance to connect with my hunny and ask how the 3 days went. They were rough but he made it, he said. But being me I had to know more, so I picked his brain more. 

Even dads can wear pink hats

So I asked him the top 5 things he would use again to get through this in case it ever happens again. Here are his answer:

  1.  Multitasking is stressful, when your trying to balance going between a hospital and being at home so asking for help is needed as much as I hate it.
  2.  There were certain times when A. Rae was missing mom so her asking for me took some time to get her on a different subject which was hard to do when she is to young to under stand mamma being sick. 
  3.  It’s hard to get things done by myself, you have to prioritize a lot. It maybe just a 2 day glimpse of what its like to be alone but it was a real eye opener. For this I enlisted out daughter to help me with things, like the dishwasher or garbage. She can’t do much but it kept her entertained while I did the little stuff that I did.  
  4.  I missed having my wife around, and the companionship. Having just a 2 yr old you don’t get to have conversations and talk much so its kinda bleeding. So we played a lot when we were not at the hospital with you. 
  5. If I was ever be a single parent its hard, and having to get A. Rae up and ready for the day, eat breakfast, and dressed was hard. I had no idea how it was done on a timed clock much less how to get breakfast on the table. So that part takes some for thought. 

See as much as he is hard to get talking he has some pretty good inspires for riding solo I think. My husband tried his best to keep me stress free and by Saturday he was even amazed by the blessings we had received. His grandma brought us food 2 days in a row, my MOPS group, family and friends was so helpful. 

I need to say thank you again to my wonderful hunny for everything he did. I love you always and forever babe!

Love,

Your Rosa

Little Things 

Little Things 

Hey,

How are you? Like really how are you? Are you mentally tired and deflated? Or happy and excited for something coming up? 

Man I tell you, after being in the hospital for 3 days with kidney problems and now being at home. With very little help, cause hubby has to sleep some time its hard guys. A.Rae’s temper is flying, I’m stressed, the dog is stressed. Hard for me to heal and rest when I have said dog, and toddler. Something had to give. 

So I’m shipping my dog off to my best friends house for the weekend. Honestly its the little things that help. Makes me sad to see him have to leave for a couple of days but who doesn’t need a vacation from life every now and then? 

Let’s talk about those things shall we? Let’s start with the dog, Rylee, uhg. He is honestly the best dog. EVER, but he has days where his brain like misfires or something and he goes completely dumb. Forgets all his manners, his training, gets snappy, the list goes on. So I had to start on top of being pregnant and having a toddler figuring out what’s up with the dog. I don’t have the brain complexity for this loves. I realized Rylee has a pattern, if I can’t get him out of the house several times a week he becomes this cranky and old man dog that no one wants to be around. If I can however, he is the best dog ever. He gets his attention, plays with other dogs, lots of treats. 

From being in the hospital, his schedule is off, we forgot to give him his anxiety meds,(he is an anxious breed), and wasnt able to get out like normal. See the little things, so he is going to our best friends house so I can rest and relax and so can he. I’m so incredibly thankful that he has friends everywhere. Honestly that dog is just as social as I am. 

Another little thing: A.Rae’s temper. She is teething all 4 eye teeth currently, mom was in the hospital, so dad was the sole parent for 3 days (which I’ll write about in another post) and potty training came to a halt. So all of these things have my daughter in a big extreme mess of what the heck is going on basket case. 

She knows that I’m sick and still recovering, but doesn’t understand it. I’m glad to have a compassionate daughter because every time I cry she stops what she’s doing, tells me it will be ok, and just hugs me. That’s what I do for her so she does it back to me. Sweetest thing ever, makes me cry harder. 

We have to back off potty training this week cause I physically cant do it. So that’s pretty sucky, she was doing great and I’ll have to start all over again. 

Her temper though, from all her big feelings is hard loves! Honestly. I had no idea she could be so whiny, crabby, happy, and angry all at the same time. So I’m taking it as a grain of salt right now, and biting my tough a whole lot. I think writing a post about 2yr old tantrums is in my future. I honestly just have no idea on how to deal with her like this. 

So I’m just hitting it back with grace and guidance and how I would want to be treated. 

Any tips on toddler tantrums? Potty training tips? I’m so lost this week! 

Love,

Rosa

10 tips for being pregnant with a toddler

10 tips for being pregnant with a toddler

Hey!

Do any of you know how hard it is to be expecting your second baby and have nobody give you any advice? Its dumb honestly, I don’t have a whole lot of support from our extended family and don’t really ask from our close family. So when I research it there isn’t a whole lot of moms that talk about it either. Like really? Just because I already popped out my first kid, ya think I am a pro? Heck no! I have so many questions so here I am finding answers to all my questions in this series of pregnancy by the day. I’m 6 months in and still trying to figure out when to pee by myself, just being honest here. 

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So I’m here to start this series of posts on advice for being pregnant with a toddler running around. Here are my top 10 tips for mom’s who are expecting a second baby when you have a toddler running around:

10 Tips for us Second Timers

  1.  Girl rest. I know how hard it is but please just sit, for that busy toddler and the baby in your belly. You be glad you did.
  2. Do things that get your toddlers brain working. This has been my biggest problem with A. Rae, so my cure is use that toddler’s brain! 
  3. Go outside! If weather permitting! I love laying in the sun pregnant, my baby loved my belly being nice and warm and would move so much!!
  4. Do some self-care and love. Oak t your nails, read a book, hell start a blog like I did one lazy afternoon. Write down lists of what you want done within the next week, it helps make goals and long time planning.
  5. Meal plan. I can’t say that I’m perfect at this because I am not but man does it help. I make a list of all the meat I have in my freezer, organize it and then make meal plan based of that. Life saver i tell ya!
  6. Get cute maternity panties. Seriously. Women you are making a human! You are all empowering all-encompassing person. Embrace yourself. I’m not saying go were a thong, but they make cute maternity panties you can buy on Amazon. Your sexy even if you don’t feel like it. 
  7. When sick with anything, rest. Even if your 4 days behind on dishes and your husband has to do the laundry. Rest. You won’t have the best immune system since being pregnant and girl does it ever take a toll. 
  8. Join a momma group! Man does it help to have a place to see other moms at. I love my MOPS Group!
  9. Enjoy your toddler. It will no longer be just you and them. Give them that undying attention they want, let them color with you, help them down a slide. Heck give them a bath in the middle of the day with bath tub safe paints. It’s easy on you and gives them what they need. 
  10. I say this cause well my 6 months has glued by. Take pictures. Of you pregnant doing anything and everything. Dishes laundry setting up the nursery, enjoy this pregnancy as much as the first. Sprinkle them with love too. 

So lets begin this pregnancy with a toddler at home series with some grace, guidance, and some humor ya’ll. Like this one ↓↓↓ Now how many more days till I can have wine again?

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Love, 

Rosa